It's 8:14pm. I'm already showered and in my jammies. Am I sick? No. I'm simply tired from getting up at 4:30 every morning. This week has been Hell. We started anesthesia. Today was my 4th day in the OR, and I'm already getting left by myself with the Big Mysterious Machine that has all sorts of alarms and noises. My eyes glued to the monitors, I pray nothing too catastrophic happens. I'm just now starting to understand the Big Mysterious Machine and how it works.

Wanna know what I did the first 2 hours of today? Here's a rundown:
4:30am: alarm goes off. I'm not asleep. I've not slept all night. I drag myself out of bed. I look every bit as bad as I feel.
5:30am: arrive at work and make a mad dash 3 blocks to the hospital, testing life by crossing against the light (but nobody is out driving at this godforsaken hour anyway, so what's the dif?)
5:40am: in dressing room, change into scrubs and go to OR
5:45am: mess with Big Mysterious Machine and try to figure out how to check the system
5:50am: change back into dressy clothes and go downstairs for my presentation
6-6:45am: give a presentation to my fellow residents and program director
7am: change back into scrubs and go back to OR to finish getting ready for the first case

Did that make you tired? I did all this before most of you woke up. To add to the chaotic day, I slept maybe 2 hours last night so not only was I dead tired, but I had that nauseous feeling all day that I get when I'm exhausted. Fun times.

So this is why I'm already in my jammies.

In other news, my dad has been in the hospital all week with a pretty bad pneumonia. While I was out of town last weekend, he got really sick. Tomorrow he is getting a thoracentesis and then later they are going to probably run some tests to rule out lung cancer. I didn't know he was sick until Monday Night when his wife called me. I wasn't able to visit him until last night. Tonight I was simply just too tired. I think he understands but I still feel guilty.

I really hope everything turns out okay. I really, really, really cannot take anymore bad news this week. I've had way more than my share. Enough to ask God if I've somehow upset Him.