Did anyone make a New Year's resolution that they kept secret from everyone? I did. I didn't even tell my BF because I was afraid of it. So here it is. My resolution was to either be engaged by the end of the year or end my long term relationship. Sounds seriously shallow doesn't it? It's not that I wanted to end the relationship, but geez, how long do you need to date somebody before you know they are The One? I knew how I felt and I'd hoped it would go the marriage direction..but it didn't. Deep down I knew he wasn't as into me as I was him. He always kept one foot on the ground. There was always an excuse. For a long time our big impasse was that he wanted a wife that stays home. This year I accepted the fact that despite all my years of hard work, I loved him much more than my job and was willing to quit medicine. Then the excuse was a little more personal (and hurtful) that I won't even mention. Then it was "are you willing to move?". Perhaps I'm a bit slow, but I finally had to realize all these excuses were just that...excuses. They were just a smokescreen to cover the truth which was he wasn't that into me. If he had been into me, none of these little details would matter. Has anyone here ever had to face that harsh reality? You give years of your life to somebody that didn't even want you? Years you can't get back? My brain understands all this but I sure wish my heart did...
What I've been listening to: Tegan and Sara "i won't be left" and Regina Spektor "I never loved nobody fully". It's like these songs were written just for me!
Book I'm planning on buying: Emily Post's "Etiquette". I went to 4 bookstores today and they were all sold out. I'm kinda glad about that. It means that other people care about manners too! Oddly, I suspect Ms. Post would advise me not to air my dirty laundry on a blog!
2 comments:
Don't make me go there!
Not shallow. You deserve to be with someone who is dying to be with you!
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