Christmas is a time of giving, right? Well, I have a question. Where do you draw the line? I have a step family that came along well after I became and adult, meaning, we aren't the "Brady Bunch". To be bluntly honest, I consider my step family to be "my dad's 2nd wife's family". I'm not close to my dad, either. I won't get into the reasons why, but let's just say our relationship is on the brink of disaster. It's also always been pretty clear to me that I'm the least favorite of his children. So here's the problem: I buy a present for my dad's 2nd wife, but am I really obligated to buy presents for her daughter, husband, and three kids (from 3 marriages)? We have a general distaste for each other. I'm sure they think I'm a snob and I personally don't approve of the poor decisions my step sister has made since her mom married my dad. We don't talk to each other and we only see each other once a year. So, why should I buy them all a present? Up until now, I've always sucked it up and gotten them SOMETHING, but this year I just don't have it in me. I can't stand my step family, and in my mind, buying a present that you don't really want to buy is worse than not buying one at all. I see it as dishonest. Christmas should be about giving to people you want to give to, without the pressures of strange blended families. Just because my dad married into their family, does that mean I have to be as well?
Sadly, I'm afraid my predicament is that of the "typical American family". I was 18 when my parents separated. It totally devastated me. Who gets divorced after 36 years?? People always talk about how hard divorce is on children, but it's also hard on adult children. Birthdays, holidays, and special occassions are always awkward in my family. Sometimes we have to have two celebrations because God forbid if my dad has to be in the same room as my mom. Christmas is one of those times. If I'm ever lucky enough to have a husband and kids of my own, I will make Christmas the happiest time of year for them, not the saddest.
All these deep thoughts now require some chocolate....
1 comment:
If you wanted to continue being the bigger person, you could just buy each of them a holiday compilation CD. Or buy each a box of chocolate; what's not to like about that? Or -- how about some kind of small Harry and David gift basket for the entire fam? Or ... 5 movie tix for daughter, husband and three kids?
The crucial detail you left out is, what do they do for you for Christmas?
My advice is whatever you do, try not to worry or think about them too much. You have precious little free time as it is. And you can feel confident that you are a really good person, because how many people would even bother to worry about whether these jerks get gifts???
XO eat more chocolate! Love you.
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